So here I am, scrambling to make things happen for myself and wishing I had a stronger support base coz shit gets so hectic sometimes. It feels like having plenty more miles to run and checking your energy levels read "battery low".... so many factors weighing you down and sucking the life out of you since you're carrying so much on your own it gets pathetic to admit.
It's monday, this week I'm hoping hard that all will go well and not have to re-live any of last weeks torture. Need to find a way to re-focus on running my race and keeping my eyes on the prize again not get easily distracted, not cool being distracted by issues related to the means and resources of survival... nothings more victimising then that. Nobody wants to worry about whether they'll have the necessary living essentials or not. This is that time where my ancestors need to have my back coz I'm prepared to fight for not having my fate dictated by external factors like everybody else I know... can't fall prey to that same trap along with the rest of the world nah!
We have enough situationally bound slaves in this world we don't need anymore of those. This entire journey is centered around establishing financial sustainability doing what I'm good at doing, going where my heart directs me to and creating my own destiny - that's what true freedom is in this world for me. My struggle right now is about getting to a place where I can tell my own stories in this journey and try capture as much of that progress as possible.
Life should be all about 'becoming' the job and not going out there 'looking' for the job, in that instance you'd be subject to the means and would be living to survive not to progress and evolve. I want to be self driven, self created and autonomous and don't wish to be the product of a specific institution with the work that I'm able to do. Hard road I've taken but I believe that this is a victory worth fighting for... I want my life to be about CREATING the job and not going out LOOKING for the job, thus the creation of the professional crafts lady.
If I can do anything of paramount value and importance with my creativity, it is to create a fruitful career for myself, a job that I can sustain and provide for myself from. I believe that this would be the true test of the power of my creativity... it is in hard times like these that we learn brehhh!!
With everyday I WILL create and it's ok if I stumble every now and again, I'll continue with my psychotic poems liberating myself into the maniac inside that nobody else has access to. Needed this crises in order to be reminded that allowing obstacles to get in the way is a waste of energy, I shouldn't be this effected by challenges and obstacles anymore... I've had it so rough in this life that those things shouldn't even phase me at this point. On some other level now and for someone who has never had things on a silver platter... shouldn't be bugging over shit maayn I seen worse times before.
Resolve it or brush it aside nyikkuhhhh!!
play the game of life according to your own rules.
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