Stories from this space of air, mind, thought and insider introspection.
The project of sharing the worldview of a free spirit!
Weeks fly by, you wake up and realise that the month is over. I'm happy October is through... it was the roughest month of all my life. My battle with depression was on some other tip this month I can't wait for all of it to be over. Sifted a whole lot of people from my life, now I know whose real with me and whose not...
This month I got to identify and deal with a lot of the issues I've had for so long in this life of mine, it was a very intense period of growth. Big decisions were made.. time alone was good for me and I could lovingly count on Sne with all my life, She was there and never left my side in all that destructive roughness that life suddenly threw my way. Love her so very much!
I feel like a new person whose undergone radical transformations in just one month. there are no words to explain what I went through this month but I do have a bunch of voice notes that I plan to mesh together into a voice portrait of the darkest experience ever recorded on this road...
Being able to support myself has never been this important to me in my life before...
I feel like a completely new person everytime I let my hair out. Looking and feeling like cotton wool!! I love it though, I do wish maintaining it was as simple. The journey continues though... I have no idea what awaits me at the end of this road but I'm ready for whatever life might throw at me, I've taken so much already... I've been recieving positive signs from the universe and have high hopes about a clean start.. How do I explain to family that I had the craziest breakdown of my life and stayed down long enough to miss everything that is supposed to matter to everybody else but me?
My wellbeing is more important to me, I refuse to put a price on it... I was simply not well, emotionally, physically, spiritually and otherwise.... Spirituality got taken care of and then everything else started falling into place. Those yellow candles of mine went a long way.
I believe my mother was there with me in that darkness, she must have been one of the spirit guides that lead me out of where I was... I called to her, things started looking up... of all my ancesters she's the one I connect with emotionally.
She knows how I feel, she understands what I had to go through.... she had similar events unfold in her own life. She was an orphan, I can imagine how rough it must have been for her.. I hold her close to my heart because the truth of the matter is that nobody will really understand as much as she does. even in her death she's here with me..
I feel re-newed!
the storm is finally over.... my hell has blown over and now it's time to live.... Re-born spiritually! This has been a rough patch but I'm glad to see myself still alive and well. I got my own self out of those dark holes I'm so proud of the progress I made. These scribbles of mine were my greatest form of therapy... I now live in a completely different space to that where everyone else exists in.... feeling like a true elevated form for a change.
That is why going home right now is not a good idea.... I need to find myself and grow into myself even more. You can't do that effectively in a space where you are surrounded by social roles to fulfill and live up to... I'm nobodies daughter, sister, cousin, grandchild in this state that I am in.
Life continues on a completely new page.....
I've started writing for the tape, 'decktable scribbles'.
If all the freedom fighters of late, who lost their lives in the struggle for freedom.... If I don't take up this opportunity and seize my own personal freedoms and go for what I believe in.. then their deaths would have been in vein.
Next level liberation.. worldview of the freespirit... I will nolonger supress who I am. I will continue to express.
What freedom is to me - defining your own self, choosing your own destiny and livng for you and only you.. breathing for those things that make you happy, and succeeding at whatever your heart beats to.....
I did a lot of accepting and soul searching,
the tape 'decktable scribbles' is going to be a beautiful and genuin project. All the material that came out from this period of my life....
I see myself growing into the soul of each of those songs... I live that reality in my every day and this project is where I get to really free myself.
This collection... my most prized and sentimental rhyme scribbles to date!!
My deepest desire.... I want to spend my days liberating hearts and minds through my gift of rhyme scribbles, because that is what would give me the greatest satisfaction and contentment inside. Knowing I can liberate externally what I can liberate internally inside of myself as well...
Something I thought I should share here today coz it was making me feel pretty awesome for the recent decisions I've made....
"The idea that you have a talent that will not get you anywhere confused me greatly. What were we meant to do with our God-given gifts then? What were we meant to do with the incredible urge that comes with wanting to pursue our passion?" - Lira
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