Friday, October 25, 2013

Day 43 - coming out of the water, preparing for break away.

good morning young madness!!

To write from the heart.. that new generation is here... gettig myself ready for the break away.

WOW but the place I was at during my dream state last night was crazy!! My grandmother and my Aunt were gang leaders mayyn it was like something straight out of a movie script... there were these gutsy voice overs and tracking shots of shady places, the two fiercest women I know Nandi and my Grandmams in the middle of it all..lol, it was the coolest gang war ever....  such madness yo!!
The wierdest part must have been how insanely awesome my grandmother looked with a gun in her hand, boi she's never been that dangerous before.

I keep getting these signs in my own dreams.... can anybody explain why those gangster voice overs were talking about bars and the staging of narrative rhymes in the middle of a damn shootout?
whatever it was.... made me feel so at home with myself.

Last night was a big night for me... I watched one of those Ted talks about identity and just knew what the universe was trying to say to me. all I know now though is that my mind is made up.
Damn go out and screw things up some more because I don't feel normal inside so why the fvck live my life as if I were? I'm excited about my difference and just starting into that journey of self discovery..... I think I'll be happier writing the script of my own life and being in charge of the course of my own life rather than doing what needs to be done simply coz everybodys gota do it.

what matters to me...
Í have to live here with people that I think are alive on the outside and dead on the inside, it's a poisenous environment for anybody!! no wonder my emotional wellbeing been suffering so bad and I don't even know how it relates to all this stuff, I'm just finding my own place in all the universe and not only in just this tiny world.

Who are these fuckerz tho? that's the only question that's been on my mind since last night... drink milk and dream about kfc's zinger box meal...

So what really happened yesterday?

I decided to create a character through which I was going to deal with all my skeletons and demons through... my staging of personal healing from this period of sheer pitfalls, how do you see a window open when you too focused on the door slammed in your face?
I was telling Andi about the idea yesterday and he really liked it.... bearing my all can't be easy like that but geuss what, something inside sais if you don't do this you gonna regret holding back.

I write new 16's everyday staying true to this script of mine because I can't imagine me without it.
How do I tell Andi that he shouldn't have come to my rescue the other day coz now I can't stop thinking of what could have been?
We don't talk very much anymre although I wish we could talk every minute of the day, it can't really be fair on him to be around a friend who want's to document every damn thing.. he certainly wants his privacy like all dudes do. I'm just the only one who doesn't believe in it that much.

I believe in telling stories more.....

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