Day 23 - Ranting from a passion. "Stereotypes and their eggs"

Outspoken and free... those are 2 characteristics that people aren't very fond of in others
but you won't find me adjusting myself to suit external conditions.

What do you expect from me?!?!
whatever it is I promise you won't get that...
coz I'm not those expectations, I'm simply a person trying to chase the traces of what makes me feel good and alive.

The imperfections are always going to be there,
what makes me whack must be the fact that unlike everybody else... I am not trying to hide those imperfections.
I just accept and move on ahead with them.
What am I doing wrong?
Just living the way that I wish to live.....
(so open and free with everything that is wrong in this life that it bothers people. f**k off is all there is 2 say).

I am disappointed in the fact that you constantly keep trying to silence me.
In hindsight, I'd really love to make my own mistakes and learn from them.
I don't want you thinking you can lead the way for me
I seem to be the only person I know who is comfortable with sharing the stories from my life in explicit detail
without censorship and it's not because I have nothing to hide.

Perhaps I don't fully understand the dangers of that yet
but I understand that stories become a form of power, lesson &experience when they get to be shared.
We all know we won't all live long enough to make all the mistakes others before us have made.............
so we might as well learn from each other.
Each of us here on this planet is on an individual journey in anyway so why front like you don't have defeat stories of your own?... I do not understand.

It probably looks dumb on the outside coz those people there can only make limited judgement with the little that they know.
but on the inside, those footprints go on forever.
That story lives in the hearts of many others like yourself forever......
Our Stories, Our Similarities, Our Unity!!!

knowing that it really took place makes it a
magical experience to have.
Not some fictional tale written by Roald Dahl or sum sht, It's real live stories from real people having real experiences.

Today a whole lot of judgement came flooding in about
why, what and how I shouldn't do such and such.
Knowing how stubborn I am in the head about this stuff only made me revolt even more.
I'm not out here trying to play strong women of the year or whatever
I'm out here trying to tell stories.
I understand that some people were just trying to protect a
Nuhtkayz coz they really don't want me to put ammunition out there for somebody else to use against me.
Some of that judgement comes from a place of love..
which is why I decided to take a passionate rant and explain the thought behind that type of un-barred and uncontrolled expression........ *Sigh*
Lungi was right about growing a thick skin....for people like those.
If the world only accepts fake layers from people, what does that say about the world we are living in?
SUPERFICIAL AS FUCK!!!
How do I feel about people who don't like me...*thinking*........ well,
they can eat the dust after my u turn.

I don't have a problem with being a real person behind the rhymes.
I could talk about frustration all day 'coz its all I've really known for so long in this life
We all know how people like us have it the hardest in this place, Tumi said it best.
The proof is in the pudding and how you expect me to be impossibly tough in order to stand my ground
is just retarded and inhuman!
Especially when the same standards don't apply to you...
I know have to be strong for myself and all that jazz but sometimes I just don't want to!!!

If everybody is fighting their own struggles
What's the big deal around hearing somebody elses stories from their own struggles for you to take strength from?
why do we exist in these secret compartments protecting ourselves from others as if we were not all connected to one another?

The only reason I'm not bothered about what people can use as ammunition against me,
is because I understand that only somebody whose got problems with them-self will go to the trouble of sourcing defects in other people only to feel good about their own.

My, not having a problem with being vulnerable has a lot to do with the fact that I just don't care about everything and everyone else around me.
I'm too busy telling stories about my journey because I want to read about that stuff 6 years from now
and say yo I really come that far with myself. I'm proud of you T!
I feel like I don't have half the fears that these people have.
If you choose to focus the negative and give life to that, than that is you and your doing.

Me on the other hand I'm continuing with my stuff and moving ahead the best way that I know how to.
I'm just going to write and write and record those flow concoctions of mines and not be bothered by problems that people will have with me moving in the direction that I have chosen to go in.
I love what I do.... and that is the bottom line!!!
I refuse to be stopped and deterred from doing it how ever I choose to.
I WILL write stories about which ever subject I'm inspired by.
There will be no dictates in this little brain of mine...

Me disclosing the actual person behind the creations in whatever emotional roller coasters and pitfalls she goes through, Is how I have chosen to bring a personal dimension into my body of work.......... reflecting from idea to conception and then actual form.

I'm just that kind of artist, there's nothing I can do about the things I'm comfortable with flexing myself in... It's the same with photography, You understand the work of the artist better if you understand the artist... You are able to put content to context.
Trolls shouldn't mistake me for a chick trying to go with it in rap simply because I can rhyme, creating is what I do with this thing of mine.

Here's an example I could find with photography to further explain this whole thing of a full rounded expression....

you get context questions like: 
- When was the
photograph taken?
- Where was the
photograph taken?
- What are some of the
dominant
issues/values of the
time/context?

You get artist/producer/creater questions like:
- Who is the
photographer?
- What do we know
about the
photographer?
- What do we know
about the
photographer's style?
- What do we know
about the
photographer's
intentions?
- What is the link
between the
photographer and the
subject?

And then you get content questions like:
Content/codes
Lighting
Colour
Field forces
Balance
Focus
Shots
Viewpoints

So with me and the work I do, I try to keep to communication literacy structures because everything we interpret as human beings goes through a system of codes and conventions. I'm a communicater at the core of it all and it is all about getting to the message eventually, saying something instead of just throwing together rhymes and calling it art.

I see it in this way........
the minute you understand why the artist holds the values and judgments that they hold, you have a better experience of their craft.
Take Jacob Riis for example who was a realist photographer of the 1800's focused more on social documentation in contrast to Henry Peach Robinson's work of the 1850's who was an expressionist and whose focus was on pictorialism.

When you see their work and images, it is easier for you to interpret what you see in front of you because you have an idea of what the photographer was about and what it was they were communicating with their images.
You are able to put context to content so you won't find yourself discrediting Henry Peach's work with comments like "öh but this stuff is not real, in reality this is not how things really look"....
Upon understanding that he is a pictorialist, you know for certain that his images are inspired by imagination and surrealism.

This must be what they mean when they say things won't always go according to plan. My life feels out of control in every sense of that word right now,
Too many things went wrong all at once. Can't even stop putting work off its just crazii...

I need to keep reminding myself that I'm doing all of this for me, it's up to me to get myself to where I want to see myself in this life.
We all have to survive at the end of the day.
Shitbags will continue being shitbags. If you are rotten garbage inside of there than that is the only thing that is going to come out of your mind and that is the only thing you are going to see in the people around you.

people will love and hate you for no reason at all sometimes, often the problem is deep inside of them and has completely nothing to do with you. But if you are going to be cheap quality with yourself and those around you..... than don't expect gold and diamond to want to surround you.
Valuable people are not the ones with dark and bitter hearts and stuff.

I will continue doing me, whether it is accepted or not.
How do I curb myself to fit a stereotype that doesn't represent anything about me? Bullshitters speak bullshit and that is all you will ever get from them.
I'm not trying to censor myself... I have a lot to say and I will say it.

All I've ever known all my life are rotten people, and I must be some kind of strong for not having allowed myself to become rotten from that strong influence of shit.
Whatever you say and thing this Nuhtkayz been and stays strong!!!